Every couple has their ups and downs, disagreements and arguments, and in some instances, an all out brawl. Well, this particular time, my husband and I had a disagreement, I guess you could say, but it lasted about 3 days. Who knows, it may have been longer. It always feels that way when you treat the other person as though they don’t exist; so much so that if they were on fire, you wouldn’t have the consideration to pee on them! That’s pretty bad!
So while my husband was at work and I was at home with our 1 month old son, I received a text message from him. It said, “Would you like to have dinner with me?”
My first thought was, “Sure, I love to eat,” but as I thought about it more, I began to feel as though he was plotting and there was an underlying motive to his dinner request. Maybe he would try to poison me by slipping some rat poison in my delectable dessert or maybe he was bringing a lawyer to dinner to kill my high hopes. If you know me, you know I pretty much think the absolute worst in any situation; I take it to the absolute extreme!
Of course, my thoughts were ludicrous, as they usually are, and he had no such motive. He just wanted to make things better between us. So diplomatic he is! We just happened to go to Hash House A Go Go, one of my absolute favorite, massive portion food joint. This is a place where you fast for a week prior and you don’t worry about counting those lame ass calories.
We walked in the door, baby car seat in tow, my husband dressed business casual and me in a cute bohemian looking maxi dress. It was completely comfortable given the fact that I just birthed another baby boy a month ago. As soon as we walked in, the hostess, a homely middle aged, blonde with a ponytail asked how many in our party, but not before commenting on how cute the baby was. We hadn't been seated long enough to have our butts warm the chairs, when she made the most ignorant comment known to man, or to a woman that just had an effing baby!!
This dizzo said, “What a cute baby! Oh, and it looks like you’re pregnant again!”
Had I heard this rude ass heifer correctly or was my post-pregnancy mind playing tricks on my wax-free ears? I honestly had to think about it, and by the time I realized that this lunatic had said what I thought she had said, she was gone. So I aske
d my husband if he had heard her degrading comment and he had missed it; too focused on the abundance of food carried by waiters on ginormous platters.
“If I had heard her make the comment, I would have pointed out that her mouth was going to be pregnant with my fist,” he had mentioned. Always got my back, that man.
That was something I definitely did not want to hear! I would expect that from a man, not a damn woman! She must not have ever gone through the wonderful, but drastically body altering phenomenon of pregnancy. She damn near ruined my appetite, stupid heifer! Now, I would be honest and tell you if I was looking pretty beat or if I even had an obvious and protruding FUPA (Fat Upper “you know what” Area), but I happened to be looking freaking cute like a young mother should. I mean come on, I have to make my husband want me all over again so he would forget about his non-existent lawyer!
Once my husband and I finished dinner, we paid the bill and made our way towards to exit only to see this ignorant ass bimbo flapping her eggshell colored choppers. The only thing I heard come out of her mouth was something about our baby being cute and the rest sounded like the teachers on Charlie Brown, “Waaah, waaah, waaah.”
My tip to her, “Keep your hillbilly trap shut and don’t ever comment out loud to any woman on the possibility of her being even the slightest bit pregnant whether you think she is or not. We all know what happens when we assume…”
So while my husband was at work and I was at home with our 1 month old son, I received a text message from him. It said, “Would you like to have dinner with me?”
My first thought was, “Sure, I love to eat,” but as I thought about it more, I began to feel as though he was plotting and there was an underlying motive to his dinner request. Maybe he would try to poison me by slipping some rat poison in my delectable dessert or maybe he was bringing a lawyer to dinner to kill my high hopes. If you know me, you know I pretty much think the absolute worst in any situation; I take it to the absolute extreme!
Of course, my thoughts were ludicrous, as they usually are, and he had no such motive. He just wanted to make things better between us. So diplomatic he is! We just happened to go to Hash House A Go Go, one of my absolute favorite, massive portion food joint. This is a place where you fast for a week prior and you don’t worry about counting those lame ass calories.
We walked in the door, baby car seat in tow, my husband dressed business casual and me in a cute bohemian looking maxi dress. It was completely comfortable given the fact that I just birthed another baby boy a month ago. As soon as we walked in, the hostess, a homely middle aged, blonde with a ponytail asked how many in our party, but not before commenting on how cute the baby was. We hadn't been seated long enough to have our butts warm the chairs, when she made the most ignorant comment known to man, or to a woman that just had an effing baby!!
This dizzo said, “What a cute baby! Oh, and it looks like you’re pregnant again!”
Had I heard this rude ass heifer correctly or was my post-pregnancy mind playing tricks on my wax-free ears? I honestly had to think about it, and by the time I realized that this lunatic had said what I thought she had said, she was gone. So I aske
d my husband if he had heard her degrading comment and he had missed it; too focused on the abundance of food carried by waiters on ginormous platters. “If I had heard her make the comment, I would have pointed out that her mouth was going to be pregnant with my fist,” he had mentioned. Always got my back, that man.
That was something I definitely did not want to hear! I would expect that from a man, not a damn woman! She must not have ever gone through the wonderful, but drastically body altering phenomenon of pregnancy. She damn near ruined my appetite, stupid heifer! Now, I would be honest and tell you if I was looking pretty beat or if I even had an obvious and protruding FUPA (Fat Upper “you know what” Area), but I happened to be looking freaking cute like a young mother should. I mean come on, I have to make my husband want me all over again so he would forget about his non-existent lawyer!
Once my husband and I finished dinner, we paid the bill and made our way towards to exit only to see this ignorant ass bimbo flapping her eggshell colored choppers. The only thing I heard come out of her mouth was something about our baby being cute and the rest sounded like the teachers on Charlie Brown, “Waaah, waaah, waaah.”
My tip to her, “Keep your hillbilly trap shut and don’t ever comment out loud to any woman on the possibility of her being even the slightest bit pregnant whether you think she is or not. We all know what happens when we assume…”
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