HANDS OFF MY BABY, NUTJOB!

Please help me to understand why strangers feel the need to touch or kiss your child without your permission! I understand that babies, in particular, are adorable and hard to resist, but that doesn’t give an unfamiliar person the right  to fondle my baby with their germ-encrusted hands. I find it a little rude that such people don’t have the common courtesy to ask the mother or parent whether they can even cross that very delicate line. Most pregnant women don’t even like it when strangers touch their bellies without asking first, so just imagine when such a stranger comes in close proximity to her newborn!
A mother does not play when it comes to her children. We will scale a 1o-foot barbwire fence surrounded by thorny bushes and starving devil dogs foaming at the mouth in order to rescue our flesh and blood. We wouldn’t think twice about it. So you best believe, we will fight tooth and nail when some grubby ass stranger comes and tries to touch our baby.
I had some crazy, deranged, perfume soaked lady try and get too damn close to my kids one day. This woman, who I had just met and rubbed me the wrong way within the first two minutes,  had bent her middle-aged, pear shaped body at her generously proportioned waist in order to appear to be on my oldest son’s, eye level. But my son just gawked at the woman with disdain and slight fear in his eyes, as though he could detect the stench of toddler flesh rotting in between her blood stained teeth. The  harder he stared at this lunatic, the further he nuzzled his little body around my leg using it as a barrier, but did not dare to take his eyes off of her for fear of being her midday appetizer.
I clutched him even tighter, when she had the nerve to reach for him and declare, “Come to, Auntie!”
This stank ass heifer! I know she didn’t just say Auntie! I had known the woman all of ten minutes and now she thinks she’s part of my family? I don’t know her any better than my own damn neighbor! She got some nerve!
Then the idiot lady tried to remove my 2 month old son from my taut arms. Had the woman lost her got-dang mind? Apparently so. I can tell you this woman had no freaking understanding of personal space.
My response to her bone-headed attempt to charm my children… “Look lady, I don’t know where you’re from or how things are done in your culture, but here in my home, I don’t play that kind of sh*t!”
Now, I know every family has that crazy auntie, the one that they try to pass off as the mentally ill family member that forgot to take her meds or even pretend that she’s not technically a blood relative in a matter of speaking. All I knew at the time, was that this woman was not about to think she was going to get any closer to my kids because she claims she is their “auntie”. I don’t need any more additional crazy aunties in my family, trust me. If she did try anything funny, she would have gotten a swift blow to her bubble gut.
To be honest, I think strangers are delusional when it comes to other peoples’ kids, especially babies. Parents, please tell these fools that they need to back the hell up off your child. Protect them from those germ covered, crazed maniacs.  What the hell is so hard about asking the mother or parent first, whether it’s okay to touch or hold their baby? Asking is a hell of a lot better, and not as embarrassing, as getting a size nine foot up your ass without so much as a thought for crossing the line! Don’t you agree?!